My first Spurs article; opinion's requested

icemanfan · by **icemanfan** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:14 pm

Below is my first attempt at writing a Spurs article. I would like your opinion #1 as a writer (we have several here) #2 as a Spur Fan. Thanks, George aka icemanfan 
 
<a href="http://www.insidehoops.com/spurs-fan-042105.shtml">www.insidehoops.com/spurs-fan-042105.shtml</a> 
 
Spurs Fan Editorial: Road Wins are Key 
 
 
 
 
 
 
By George C. Eggleston / Apr. 21, 2005 
 
The 04-05 Spurs started off the season strong going 12 wins to 3 losses in November. 
 
By December all Spurs fans believed this years Spurs team to be the best ever to come out of San Antonio. The team management had the foresight to prevent distraction by re-signing Tony Parker before the season started. The team had more stability than any Spurs team in this century having all starters and many key bench players in contacts through the 2007-2008 season. The Spurs had even managed to bring in the great veteran guard Brent Barry and received from him a commitment to play for the Spurs through the 2007-2008 season. The Spurs enjoyed their best start in the Tim Duncan era and no team seemed ready to last against them in a seven game series. 
 
By February the Spurs had secured what was then the best record in the NBA and had just sent Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili to the All Star game. Confidence in a Championship destiny for 2005 season was high in Spurs circles. 
 
However, for the more pessimistic Spurs fans, things seemed to be going too well. 
 
On February 24th the other shoe dropped and the Spurs emotional leader Malik Rose was gone. On paper this was a smart business move. Malik's contract was heavy and the Spurs have Luis Scola committed to come in next season. Both men play a similar game at the same position. As a fan of the game, though, one has to question the wisdom of messing with team chemistry when that team has the best record in the league. The team's reaction? An 82 to 84 loss to Memphis; only their second loss at home all year to that point. 
 
Since that time the Spurs have lost their rhythm. The team has suffered through several injuries, including stints on the IL by three of the five starters. 
 
The Spurs added Dion Glover, only to waive him in order to sign Glen Robinson. A defensive-minded club known for their complicated system, adding players late in the season (Robinson was signed April 4th) shows the effect the shake-up hadon this team. The team has gone 17-10 since and shows some signs of over coming the emotional hangover sustained by the trade. 
 
A great road record shows confidence, while and a great home record shows comfort. The Spurs are 38-3 at home and 21-19 on the road. The squad is clearly not confident. 
 
The good news for Spurs fans is, despite all that went wrong in the last few months, only the Suns at this point would be the host team should the two face off in the playoffs. 
 
Tim Duncan's return to the line up is a big boost of confidence to the team and the new additions Nazr Mohammed and Glenn Robinson are starting to understand their roles and are learning how to play within the system. Should this years Spurs team win a championship these last few months will only make their victory more sweet. 
 
To earn the honor of hoisting the O'Brian trophy for the third time in Spurs history, this team must play as a unit. "Team Defense" has been the mantra of the two championship Spurs teams and must be so again this year if they are to reach their goal. The only enemies this team has are a lack of focus and confidence on the road. The ability is there, the desire is there and anything short of a 2005 championship will be a failure and a disappointment for Spurs fans and the players alike. 
 
Only time will tell if this Spurs squad will live up to their potential or chalk this year up to another "What might have been" season. 
 
Spurs fans get their voice heard on InsideHoops.com. The writer of this Spurs fan editorial hails from San Antonio, Texas. 
 
<img src="http://www.remembertheaba.com/TributeMaterial/GervinSwoopNice.jpg" style="border:0;"/>Edited by: <A HREF=http://p204.ezboard.com/bsanantoniospurs62937.showUserPublicProfile?gid=blondie4spurs>Blondie4Spurs</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://homepage.eircom.net/~bray/em/orose.gif" BORDER=0> at: 4/21/05 5:53 pm

Samr · by **Samr** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:00 pm

<img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> 
 
Man, hahaha!!!! That's awsome. Not your article, which is great by the way, but the fact that I read that article on InsideHoops and decided to send in my "The Past, The Present, The Playoffs" article, which summarily got rejected because "we don't like to post things that are on other forums." I am currently working on another email to plead my case to them, and logged onto the forums to get the links to some of my past articles. This is the SECOND time I have submitted an article to them, the first of which was ignored (though, technically, it was also an application to write for them) and the second of which I explained above. It's a matter of principle now! 
 
Well good job, Ice. It was a decent article, good but not strikingly great (the constructive criticism you requested: work on changing up your sentence structure; it makes it read better) Although I must admit, my jealousy has compounded in light of recent events. Now THAT is funny! <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> _______________________ 
"Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes" -Babe Ruth, "The Sandlot" 
 
Edited by: <A HREF=http://p204.ezboard.com/bsanantoniospurs62937.showUserPublicProfile?gid=samr@sanantoniospurs62937>Samr</A> at: 4/21/05 3:28 pm

Samr · by **Samr** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:50 pm

I was not aware of that. 
 
(kinda-random, almost-funny factoid of the day) One of the reasons I was persistant in trying to get something on InsideHoops, is because our school has a HUGE Spurs following, especially in the faculty. I was not accepted into the AP writing course, for reasons unknown, and that would certainly be a slap in the face for them. Or at least a basis on which to mock them. That, and I've had a year-long debate with the more feminine of my two brother-in-laws as to who better understands basketball. I firmly believe he is one small step above an elememtary school card collector (no offense, Ice), but he uses ISH for his fantasy league. Exactly. 
 
I just wanted to make sure y'all didn't know I was a Benidict Arnold or something <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/winksmile.gif ALT=":wink"> _______________________ 
"Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes" -Babe Ruth, "The Sandlot" 
 
Edited by: <A HREF=http://p204.ezboard.com/bsanantoniospurs62937.showUserPublicProfile?gid=samr@sanantoniospurs62937>Samr</A> at: 4/21/05 3:51 pm

Samr · by **Samr** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:13 pm

And since Ice DID ask for opinions, here's mine (I'm not being harsh, this is the same I'd expect from someone on one of mine). And if this sounds corny, ignore it. At 16, I am far from an expert. 
 
-As I mentioned before, change up the sentence structure. Though it's hard to commit to one single formula, I try to get it somewhere around 1 single-clause sentence:2 double-clause sentences:1 fragment. The key is just to change it up, keep the reader interested. Use periods and commas like a paintbrush; use them to add emphasis. Often. You can start sentences with conjunctions, it isn't against the rules. Again, it helps break up the monotony of what would otherwise be your standard, written word. 
 
-Strong intros. The reader usually decides within the first few sentences whether or not the article is worth his time. You need to grab his attention immediately, and use the way you write to promise continued excitement and entertainment as he reads on. You'd be amazed how much a strong introduction can cover up for an otherwise weak article. If you have a strong intro, two-thirds of the rest of your article/essay/whatever can be complete crap and the reader will never know the difference. 
 
-On the same note, strong conclusions. You want to leave the reader thinking "wow! That all makes sense now!" If he doesn't go away knowing that the article has ended, it hasn't. One way to accomplish this is to tie the conclusion into something you started in the introduction. I've done this on a few occasions, to varying degrees of success, but it does make for a good way to wrap things up. Unfortunately, it takes a bit of practice to get it right. You have to either purposely plant it in the intro, and then tie into it later, or go out of your way to make the conclusion wrap back around to the beginning, without the reader noticing. It's just a technique I use, because it's cool if done right. 
 
-A bit more nit-picky now, but avoid starting off two sequential sentences with the same thing. In your introduction, the second and third sentences start with "The team," while the fourth and fifth start with "The Spurs." And that is just in the introduction. Again, just little things like that help change the monotony of an article. It can get boring after a while, as I know some of mine do, and seeing the same basic structure time and time again often leads to a loss of interest and, usually, the reader not finishing the article. 
 
-I have three, seperate online dictionaries tabbed on the toolbar of my web browser. This is in addition to <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com">UrbanDictionary.com</a>. The key isn't to use big words that you're unfamiliar with (because chances are good that, if you don't know it, neither does the reader), but you do want to add some variety to what you say. Go to the online thesaurus of these dictionaries, and just type in a word. Look at what comes up, and without overstepping your vocabulary boundary too much, substitute in something a bit more interesting. As I said with starting off sentences- you don't want to repeat yourself. If you've used a strong word once, try not to use it again until the reader has read enough that he got it out of his immediate memory. And by "strong word," I mean any adjective, noun, phrase, etc that stands out. Something like "exemplifies" or "pessimistic" or "the deciding factor." This isn't in response to your article, specifically, but will help you in the future. 
 
 
I could continue with this, but I'm afraid I may have already lost your patience. _______________________ 
"Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes" -Babe Ruth, "The Sandlot" 
 
Edited by: <A HREF=http://p204.ezboard.com/bsanantoniospurs62937.showUserPublicProfile?gid=samr@sanantoniospurs62937>Samr</A> at: 4/21/05 4:27 pm

by **Velozity** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:15 pm

Yeah with what Samr said, just construct your sentences better is all I think is wrong. 
 
Other than that, good article. 
 
(Samr has compitition now) =) 
 
 
*EDIT*onedayiwilllearnhowtospell. _ _ _ _ 
I mean every word I say. 
I threw a stone at the reflection of my image in the water, 
and it altogether disapperared. 
I burst, it shattered me like a bullet through a bottle, 
and I'm expected to believe that any of this is real. 
-mewithoutYouEdited by: <A HREF=http://p204.ezboard.com/bsanantoniospurs62937.showUserPublicProfile?gid=velozity>Velozity</A> at: 4/21/05 4:16 pm

Blondie · by **Blondie** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:40 pm

Lots of other sites wont post material from elsewhere..... 
 
Don't expect that to change SAM. <div style="text-align:center"><img src="http://www.sahoops.net/jackie/blondie4spursbanner.jpg" style="border:0;"/></div>

Samr · by **Samr** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:18 pm

<blockquote>Quote:<hr>Samr has compititionmyspellingsuckshorribly now<hr></blockquote> 
 
That's what makes you better. 
 
But I'm not really worried, Sick1 wasn't all that great anyways <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/winksmile.gif ALT=":wink"> <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/smile.gif ALT=":)"> _______________________ 
"Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes" -Babe Ruth, "The Sandlot"

ryno · by **ryno** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:55 pm

Great job Ice, nice recap of the season. I can't agree with you more that the final results of teams success will come down to how they play as a team. We are the most talented team in the league and if our players can all play together the right way we will be unstoppable. <div style="text-align:center">Silver and Black Baby</div> 
<div style="text-align:center"><img src="http://img44.exs.cx/img44/9201/banner98.jpg"/></div>

GrandeDavid · by **GrandeDavid** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:19 pm

Great job, Ice! Btw, I know that the Spurs' road record is sub-par by their Tim Duncan-era standards, but one thing is for certain- they can win on the road against ANY team, as they did against Phoenix. <div style="text-align:center"><img src="http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/6171/GD.jpg"/></div>

gameFACE sa · by **gameFACE sa** on Thu Apr 21, 2005 11:04 pm

Good article icemanfan! 
 
I do disagree with this, however: 
<blockquote>Quote:<hr>Since that time the Spurs have lost their rhythm. The team has suffered through several injuries, including stints on the IL by three of the five starters.<hr></blockquote> 
<blockquote>Quote:<hr>The team has gone 17-10 since and shows some signs of over coming the emotional hangover sustained by the trade.<hr></blockquote> 
I don't think there is any emotional hangover. The Spurs lost their rhythm because Tim Duncan went down. If anything, Tim was starting to show his MVP form after the All Star break. He had not done that up to that point. Remember, he was averaging less minutes than in previous season's. Tim's injury, Manu's injury and then Devin Brown's are what contributed to the Spurs going 17-10. Not the Malik trade. I think your words are heartfelt but not factual. Just my 2 cents. 
 
Keep writing! <img src="http://mars.walagata.com/w/pokerface21/killerspurs.jpg" style="border:0;"/> 
(Hey! It's me.................................................PokerFace21)

icemanfan · by **icemanfan** on Fri Apr 22, 2005 3:57 am

<blockquote>Quote:<hr>I could continue with this, but I'm afraid I may have already lost your patience.<hr></blockquote> you did good. Believe it or not I use to be a writer. I have my radio, TV and Film degree and use to write radio dramas. My old writing partner, David Hay, Has a movie coming out this summer or fall (still in post editing) called "Hard-scrambled". I highly recommend it. I was fortunate to see the unedited version in December at a private screening. Anyway, I am just trying to get back in the swing of things. I plan to get back to writing and since I love the Spurs it seemed like a logical place to start. 
 
<blockquote>Quote:<hr>I do disagree with this, however:<hr></blockquote> 
I do not blame the recent problems entirely on the trade but I do believe that was the first domino to fall. Remember the Spurs were not just winning before the trade they were dominating teams and had an 11 plus point differential at about that point. I just want to see the Spurs play with that intensity again. If they do, in my opinion, there is no NBA team that can win in a seven game series against them. I can want it for them with all my heart but its their desire that makes the difference. 
 
Ice. <img src="http://www.remembertheaba.com/TributeMaterial/GervinSwoopNice.jpg" style="border:0;"/>

Blondie · by **Blondie** on Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:12 am

Hey Ice maybe you and MikeyP should get your own sports talk show <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/winksmile.gif ALT=":wink"> You should enter the next time they have a contest......... <div style="text-align:center"><img src="http://www.sahoops.net/jackie/blondie4spursbanner.jpg" style="border:0;"/></div>

SAmikep · by **SAmikep** on Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:21 am

Only if we can do dumbass nicknames and bad cajun accents! <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> 
 
About your article Ice...It SUCKED! <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lmao.gif ALT=":lmao"> 
just kiddin' bro. I thought it was really good. What Sam "all of a sudden I am a freaking editor" <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> forgot to realize was that this was a fan perspective....if you wrote for a living that would be one thing...you were asked to give your thoughts...you did and did well. Mas Kudos. <img src="http://img240.exs.cx/img240/4149/bannersamikep6vs.jpg"/>

Samr · by **Samr** on Fri Apr 22, 2005 11:23 am

<blockquote>Quote:<hr> you did good. Believe it or not I use to be a writer. I have my radio, TV and Film degree and use to write radio dramas<hr></blockquote> 
 
Well that shut me up. _______________________ 
"Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes" -Babe Ruth, "The Sandlot"

SAmikep · by **SAmikep** on Fri Apr 22, 2005 11:34 am

Somehow...I doubt it! <img src=http://www.sahoops.net/smilies/lol.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src="http://img240.exs.cx/img240/4149/bannersamikep6vs.jpg"/>

My first Spurs article; opinion's requested