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Nov 7, 2006 at 10:43 AM
Last night, after work, a group of us headed over to Madison Square Garden to check out the New York Knicks play the San Antonio Spurs in an early regular season game.
Just Like This Logo, They're Scrubs ... sigh
We went armed with jokes about the overpriced Knick roster, about Stephon Marbury's $2 sneakers and how they, like his recent game, have no soul (sole), about Isiah Thomas' constant rants about being a warrior and realizing that if he doesn't win this year, that's where he'll be working (for the Warriors), about how the Knicks couldn't spell defense if someone spotted them the d, the e, the f, the e, the n and the s, about how Eddy Curry is carrying around more dead weight than Malik Yoba did during the final season of New York Undercover ... see, we were prepared!!!
But what I wasn't prepared for was ... the Knicks. Let me tell you, I love New York. Love my city and its teams, felt good when Willie Randolph took the Mets to the brink of the World Series, felt bad when Curtis Martin had to announce that he couldn't play for the Jets this season. I rejoiced whenever A-Rod got a meaningful hit for the Yankees and each time Tiki Barber breaks a big run for the Giants.
But this Knicks team? Yeah, there's nothing to root for. Nothing. Everything we made fun of going in ... took place during the game. Curry huffing and puffing on the court, Stephon running around like his cheap sneakers were hurting his bunions, the matador defense that allowed the Spurs to actually put an all-white boy lineup on the floor for much of the second quarter.
It was disgraceful to watch. Here's a sign your product isn't all that appealing to the masses: When more people mill about in the halls DURING the game and actually come BACK to their seats while the little kids are playing during halftime and actually leave when there's nine minutes to go in the third quarter ... yeah, it may be time to go back to the drawing board.
It was while witnessing all of this -- seeing the satisfied millionaires sitting on the New York bench, not worried about re-entering the game because their money was guaranteed -- that I discovered what my life's purpose should be.
To sue the Knicks for negligence. To indict them for producing a poor product. For not holding up their end of the fan-player bargain. For failing to deliver entertainment. For false advertising.
What, you think it won't work? I mean, hell, if Anucha Brown-Saunders can sue for sexual harrassment (which I'm sure has its merit), why can't I sue for this? Isn't it the hard-earned money I'm paying to the cable company that's being wasted? Wouldn't I do better just to throw that chunk of change toward groceries or new CDs? See, there's another reason for suing -- they're taking food out of my mouth and feeding me garbage instead.
I don't know about you, but I think I'd have a case. I'm gonna talk to the League's attorney today and get some free advice. Whatever she says will be better than the crap I'm paying to see nowadays at the Garden.
And I'm not saying I'm gonna do it, but if by chance, in the future, you see me on TV sitting next to Spike Lee and my best friend El is on the court going up against the NBA's best, just know that I won my case ... and that my life's purpose has been fulfilled. I'll own the Knicks, the Garden AND Stephon's bunions ... and then, the joke really would be on them.
I'm just sayin ...
